Before we came on this trip I prayed that I really wanted to use this time away from home and my "normal" routine to grow stronger in my spiritual walk. I wanted to grow closer to God and to form a new "normal" of daily quite time with God without any interruptions. You know because my greatest excuse why I didn't commit to my devotional time or why I only did them half way was because I'm a Mom and I am SO busy...
The truth is if it were important enough, I mean if it was something that I really wanted or felt I needed in my daily life it would not matter how busy I was, I would do ANY thing to make sure I made time for "it"; TV shows, Talking on the phone with my sister, planning out schedules, doing house work, doing crafts, playing with my kids or any other things that I might find important. Here I am in this country with NO excuses and have I made time at all??? NO, instead I spent time worrying about things I can not control and planning for what might be. Doesn't that seem like a wonderful use of my time?
A few days ago God convicted me of this when I was crying my eyes to Him and man did that hurt!!! I realized maybe all this extra time is to show me that it doesn't matter if I am here or home I have to make time to study and spiritually grow. Once I saw this Fred and I did just that and I tell you not only did I feel better about having to be here but God taught us some great lessons that were just perfect for what we are working though in our life right now!
Today we got a call that said that the quarantine was lifted and we could visit the kids, course we didn't get this call until 11:30am which is more then half way through our morning visit but it was still good news! Fred and I got up, took showers, cleaned the apartment, did some laundry and then headed to our afternoon visit with the kids. The visit was GREAT! The kids were happy and active and it was just a REALLY great time. We got to visit in the big music room again and I really think the kids LOVE that. We learned that Bridget can crawl, her dress she was wearing slowed her down a bit but man can she move! Silas as always was a mover and shaker! And Jasper was happy to play alone and stim on a rattle... yeah that's what he was happy doing do you think his Mama let him do it? NO... I came to visit with my boy and that's what I made him do, he was resistant at first and it took a bit for him to warm up to the idea of cuddling with me and giving me some eye contact but I got what I came for, and as a reward I gave him a little time with the cool new rattles I brought him! Yeah the kids and the visit as a whole were GREAT... BUT being there powerless to the state they were in was so hard. It's hard to understand unless you have been through this because you would think "Hey, you get to be with them that should be good enough". Well yeah you get to be with them but you can't change anything about their care until the 10day wait is over and you can spring them free. You have people walking though and watching you visit, you can't give them a bath or put them in comfortable cloths that fit them. It's hard to explain but it's just hard. The "Oooh I get to see them" feeling fades away and it's hard to get past the "Man has then same piece of dried food been there all week? Wow I think I am going to be sick because my son smells like he has been sitting in urine all day?" feelings get stronger and stronger and you feel more and more powerless. While seeing your kids is great not being able to take care of them I hard.
We got a call this evening that the missing document was signed and will be picked up tomorrow. SO that means court should be Thursday, as much as I would LOVE to be jumping over the moon I will wait til Court is over before I get too excited!!!
Here are some pics from today:
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